Dear Mangrove families,

The struggle is real.

Think back on the greatest lessons that you have learned throughout your life. Lessons that made you stronger and more resilient. Lessons that made you learn something new about your capabilities. Lessons that gave you the opportunity to learn about the world around you.

All those lessons came easy, right? You set your mind to it and accomplished it like a piece of cake.
Wait, no one said that?

Upon reflection, are you realizing that anything worth learning, anything that taught you a lesson came with a bit of struggle? If it is easy, you didn’t really learn anything. When it was difficult and you had to work at it, you ended up growing, learning, and evolving into a better version of yourself.

We do that in the toddler environment EVERY SINGLE DAY. We provide experiences that require the children to push themselves, to struggle, to evolve with each new day.

Teachers like to refer to themselves as scaffolding and I quite like that metaphor. We are there to be a supporting structure but not to do the work for them. We want the children to do as much as they can with the least amount of adult inferences as possible. We are ready to support and guide when they need us but it comes with a lot of patience and restraint- a lot of retraining of ourselves and how we may have been taught what ‘help’ means.

Maria Montessori so eloquently wrote, “Help me do it for myself.” That is a guiding principle in Montessori education, to create the environment where a child has all the tools to complete the task independently, or as much as possible.

I challenge you do to the same at home and watch your children blossom. I know it is hard to watch your children struggle. We are hardwired to step in and shelter them from ‘pain.’ But I ask that you rethink it. Is it really pain they are experiencing? Often times, no, more like frustration or how about we call it growing pains. To learn and grow, we must step outside our comfort zone and do something we haven’t ever done before. And usually if given a little support and TIME, we can all accomplish the task and that goes for toddlers as well.

The end result is a goal that was earned and sense of pride that can’t be gifted. It builds perseverance and grit and confidence. If someone does it for you, you miss out on all the amazing accomplishments of that work.

So when your toddler struggles putting on pants- let them. They will learn something in the struggle.
When your toddler struggles placing a puzzle piece- let them. They will learn something in the struggle.
When your toddler is struggling to get a grape on a fork- let them. They will learn something in the struggle.

If you have more questions on how to support your toddler through the struggle, I am always available and open to talk more about Montessori philosophy and what we do inside the classroom environment and how to incorporate it at home.

Here is a link to an article on the power of the phrase “I did it.” Enjoy the extra read.

Always
Ms Liz and Ms Yudis

Dear Mangrove Families,

Last year, my four-year-old daughter had an unexpected five-day stay in the hospital, where she was connected to an IV, receiving antibiotics and Tylenol, giving blood for testing, and just generally being poked at. This year, she had a planned invasive surgery with anesthesia and an unknown amount of recovery time. Although I wrote the following last year, I find it important to share again because the content may be helpful to your family by providing insight on what we can do as parents to help our children navigate situations when they are hurt or sick.

What can make your heart drop to your stomach quicker than your child getting hurt?

Your heart races, your adrenaline is pumping, your breathing gets heavy and fast, and your thoughts veer to the worst-case scenario. Our No. 1 job is to protect them, and when that falls apart and they get sick or injured, we freak out. Our heart is pounding because our tiny humans ARE our hearts.

Now, I want you to try to step out of your body and into the body of a tiny human in this big world. Tiny humans have a job, too. Their No. 1 job is to figure out the world around them by taking in all the sights, sounds, smells, tastes, and experiences. As they receive each piece of information about the world, their brains sort and categorize in order to make sense of the constant flow of input, and tiny humans look toward the people who love them the most as a reference point for all new information. They depend on adults setting routines, schedules, boundaries, and expectations in order to find a sense of safety and security as the world reveals itself to them on a daily basis.

Let me paint this picture…

The tiny humans are in their tiny bodies, learning all this great stuff, loving life, and just as accidents, injuries, and sickness often do … boom, in a split second, out of nowhere, everything gets flipped upside down. It wasn’t on the schedule, it wasn’t how that day was planned, their tiny body hurts, and they don’t know what is going on, so they look toward the people who take care of them. They look to their reference point. They look to YOU in order to figure out how to respond to this unexpected (and, therefore, scary) situation. If the tiny humans see their parents freaking out, screaming and crying, pacing and frantic, scared and overwhelmed, then they are naturally going to join them in a downward spiral of fear.

“But Liz,” you say, “It is my baby! How am I supposed to not freak out when my baby is hurt or sick?”
I unequivocally understand. But I also know that you would do anything for them, right? Body in front of a train kind of anything.

This is the train. You need to put your body in front of it by making the conscious effort to be the still, deep calm that your child needs you to be.

Please don’t think that I am saying your feelings aren’t valid. In fact, whatever you feel, your child will feel those same feelings on an even more exaggerated and intense level. You have had a lifetime to learn all you know, but your tiny humans are venturing into the unknown, and the unknown is naturally scary. I am proposing that you keep this knowledge in the forefront of your mind in situations when your child:

Falls off the slide
Scrapes their knee
Needs a shot
Breaks an arm
Is admitted to the hospital
Needs surgery

Model calm in front of your child in order to help them stay calm and feel safe.
Breathe to remain calm.

Take deep breaths in through your nose and out through your nose. When you breath in your nose and out your mouth, your body moves to fight-or-flight survival mode. And although the adrenaline pumping heightens your senses, you need to be the duck on the lake. Even if everything inside of you is paddling feverishly, everyone’s outside perception of you, especially your child’s, needs to be that of a duck gliding on the surface of the water. When you breathe in through your nose and out through your nose, the oxygen has a calming effect and helps to create relaxation. Your children need to see that the people they rely on who love and protect them are calm so that it can help bring them back to calm.

Be the voice that validates, honors, and informs the experience.

As the adults in their lives, we are constantly sportscasting what is going on in order for them to be informed and make sense of the things that are happening around them. It is no different in times of stress and uncertainty. State what happened. Validate the feelings they are expressing. Explain in a developmentally appropriate way what is around them, what happened, and what will happen ≈. Our children deserve honest information delivered to them in a respectful way that also validates their experience.

Show them your unconditional love.

A hug is a powerful tool that can really meet some deep needs of comfort and security. You are your child’s person —the person they can scream at, vomit on, cry with, and hold, and you love them through all of it. They know it and they need it. So ask your child when it gets hard and ugly and they look like they may be losing all control, “Do you need a hug?” The pressure of your arms around them allows them to sink back into safety. We represent those huge feelings for them— love and safety — and in times of need and unpredictability, they need to feel those things more frequently.

Although this may feel like the Cliff Notes version of “How to Help your Child in a Scary Situation,” if you keep those tools in mind, it will make a world of difference to your child. I am not an expert, but my family has no been around the block with EVERY scenario mentioned above, and I thank all my stars that I had this Montessori knowledge in my pocket for all of it. We can’t take the pain away from them, but we can do our best to make this experience less scary, less stressful, and less overwhelming for our tiny humans.

If you ever need more resources, have questions, or need to talk, I am available. We are all part of this Mangrove family and the toddler team is your back-up support, ready to help, if we can.

Wishing you health and always sending love,

Ms. Liz and Ms. Yudis

Dear Mangrove Families,

Imagine being so overwhelmed by the intensity of the world that your body shakes with fear. What can give you a deep sense of safety and ground you again?
Imagine being overcome by a joy so great that your body bounces with excitement. What can give you a deep sense of togetherness and gratitude?
Heartbroken. Proud. Relieved. Depressed. Excited.

What is something you can always use, in good times and bad times? Although my first instinct is chocolate cake, that isn’t the answer. It’s a hug — a human gesture that says, “Let me be with you as you experience your feeling. I see you. I am here with you,” without speaking a word.

A hug allows your body to be supported by another person when you need it the most, whether it is in order to be held up or brought back down.

A hug doesn’t mean you agree or disagree. A hug doesn’t reinforce or condone. A hug offers humanity and connection, things we cannot survive without and things we need to keep moving forward.

Since Montessori is based on science, let’s explore the science behind a hug. In studies performed at Carnegie Mellon University, researchers found that subjects who felt more supported using hugs were less likely to catch a cold. A separate researcher found that hugging lowers your blood pressure and heart rate. Research has also proven that hugging releases oxytocin, promoting feelings of contentment and lowering stress. In relation, hugging stimulates dopamine and serotonin production. Finally, researchers at Emory University have found that hugging in early childhood relates to lower stress levels in adulthood.

I used to be a terrible hugger. I mean, the worst — stiff as a board. People wanted to show me love but I could not receive it (probably because I needed it so badly that I didn’t know what to do when I got it). So, I actively tried to change that. You know who helped my hugging phobia? The toddlers.

Toddlers live in the moment. Joys. Heartache. They feel it all, and they need support in those big-feeling moments. In helping the toddlers moderate their feelings with a hug, they healed my fear with their love. Amazing how a simple gesture of tiny arms tightly wound around you can reveal your worth to yourself.

I don’t want to say that I am an excellent hugger now, but I know how to give hugs when others need them and, more importantly, how to ask for hugs when I need them.
As we start this New Year and make new resolutions to better ourselves and our experiences, I offer the suggestion of more hugs.
Give hugs. Receive hugs. Model hugs.

When your child is jumping up and down and screaming with excitement and anticipation of an upcoming event, offer words and a touch. “You look so excited. Would you like a hug?” Absorb some of that energy.

When your child is having a full-blown tantrum over a boundary being upheld, offer words and a touch. “It is not available and you are upset. Can I offer you a hug?” Absorb some of their frustration.
The exchange of love and safety felt by both parties will deepen the trust and connection between each other. Bonus tip: These techniques work just as well with adults! Our inner child is often the one at the center of our deep feelings, and that inner child would love a heartfelt hug.

“Hugging is the most beautiful form of communication that allows the other person to know beyond a doubt that they matter.” —Unknown

“Sometimes a hug is the answer, even when the question is unknown.” —M.S.

“Hugs can do a great amount of good, especially for children.” —Princess Diana

“A 20-second hug can release endorphins that lower your stress levels and boost your immune system.” —Dr. Jan Astrom

Hugs,
Ms. Liz & Ms. Yudis

**Although I just spent ALL this time explaining the benefits of a good hug, please remember that the power of a hug only works when it has been welcomed by the receiver of the hug. Here is a link to an article on the importance of respecting a child’s choice NOT to hug another person, even if that person is a relative. Enjoy.

https://brightside.me/inspiration-family-and-kids/forcing-a-child-to-hug-or-kiss-an-adult-is-wrong-even-if-its-a-relative-794971/

This time of year if filled with friends and family, vacations and get-togethers, giving and receiving. There is so much changing around us, with routines out of whack and schedules up in the air that I find myself needing to come back to my own sense or order.

A sense of order is one of 11 natural human tendencies that Maria Montessori observed and documented in her research and that drove her philosophy. In simple terms, all humans all around the world, no matter the age, have tendencies that are natural to our development. If we provide experiences that nourish our natural tendencies, our development deepens. For example, our brains want to categorize and organize to better understand the world around us.

Because order and routine are crucial to our development, the more we can provide, the deeper the development. When my children were young, we “Montessoried” at home. What does that mean, you might ask. It doesn’t mean going out and purchasing Montessori materials and lessons from the most expensive companies. Rather, at the infant/toddler level, it means organizing your home so that your child can be as independent as possible. It may require purchasing some things, but more likely calls for moving some things around in order to make them accessible to your child.

Where can we begin? Maybe start with a mental list of all the areas in your home where your child currently spends the most time and needs the most support — bedroom, kitchen, bathroom, living room — then evaluate those areas:

• Does my child have access to the materials they need?
• Can my child complete any of the work/play on their own?
• Does my child have the tools and materials to clean up when they are finished?
• How can I modify aspects of this space in order to provide opportunities for my child to do more independent of my assistance?

Let’s talk about the kitchen. What does your child do in the kitchen? What do they need help with? Everything! Or, so you may think. What do you spend your time doing to help them in the kitchen? And bottom line, what are you comfortable allowing them to do on their own, even if it may get messy before it gets better? In my home, I created an area that contained all the children’s dishes and cups, utensils, scoops, and snacks that was accessible to the children without my help. I gave them breakable dishes and glass due to their sensitive period for fragile objects (a time in their development where, if given the opportunity, they learn more easily about taking care of fragile things) and utensils appropriate for the size of their hands. I also provided a small dustpan and cloths for if (let’s face it — when) a spill or break occurs. I also found small pitchers at second-hand stores and filled them with milk and water so the children could pour a drink for themselves without me.

In the beginning, they will need you to model what to do and how to do it, just like with any new behavior, but soon your child will go to the kitchen and get themselves a glass of water or bowl of pretzels without needing you at all. Imagine the absence of “Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom!” — or decrease in tantrums sparked by you having to say, “I’ll help in just a minute.”

How can this system build? How can your child choose their own clothes? How can they clean up their toys? Provide the tools, materials, and space, and children can do a lot more for themselves and be happy about doing it! Then think toward the future: If they know where things go and learn about personal responsibility, they can empty their own lunch after school as a four year old, put their clothes away after the laundry is done, and help put groceries away after a big shop.

Our toddlers want to be involved with the everyday work of our lives. They are learning what it means to be human, and they want independence and responsibility. Our job is to provide the environment to foster that need and the growth that can occur when supported.

“Help me help myself” is a great Montessori quote to keep in mind as you modify your home space to accommodate the needs of your child.

If you have questions or need suggestions on how to “Montessori” at home, please ask; we would love to help.
Always,
Ms. Liz and Ms. Yudis

Dear Mangrove families,

There is a quote that I reflect on often. It isn’t attributed to Montessori but certainly aligns with it:

“It is easier to build up a child than it is to repair an adult.”

In all honesty, as I venture into my midlife crisis years — which I have renamed my midlife awakening — I have to do a lot of personal work to adjust, address, and reframe internal messages that I have carried with me from childhood.

Anxiety seems to be one trait that many, myself included, work to combat, because it can cause such havoc in our day-to-day lives. But through much research, I have discovered a practice that can soothe and calm anxiety: GRATITUDE.

Gratitude requires presence —not worrying about the past or about the future. It requires a person to ground oneself in the moment and reflect on what is happening right now.

Let me give you a fun example. As a rule, I do not drive in Miami due to full-on anxiety (like, sweats covering my entire body anxiety). Two summers ago, I had to drive, by myself, to Miami — no other options, just me and my anxiety. I put on a mindfulness podcast, and the suggestion was to practice gratitude. I thought it was malarkey … but I was also about to reach the mainland, and the sweats were in full effect. While I listened to Google Maps and received each direction, I literally said out loud, “Thank you for that direction. I look forward to the next one.” I had to be mindful, and aware. I started feeling genuinely thankful for the support; eventually I got to my destination, and it wasn’t the end of me. I had done the thing that terrified me, and it was only completed by practicing gratitude each step of the way.

So I ask you, wouldn’t it be best to do everything we can now in our parenting powers to lead children on a path where they have to do the least amount of clean-up work later? Remember, easier to build up a child than to fix an adult.

You have already chosen Montessori education. Winning! According to Maria Montessori referred to the years 0 to 6 as “the absorbent mind.” This is a period of time when children soak up information like sponges, without effort. That information becomes a part of who they are, almost like their DNA (which is why it can be so hard to let go of or move on from childhood trauma, and why as adults we have to work so hard to heal it and retrain ourselves).

In this new month that focuses on gratitude, think of creating habits and practices of gratitude. Start with yourself. When feeling anxious, practice gratitude and speak words of thankfulness out loud. Soon you may hear your child expressing gratitude. Maybe start a gratitude journal to take time to write your thoughts, and invite your child to join you. Of course, their journal may look different (scribbles and pictures), but you are modeling gratitude. Maybe create a space during the day where the whole family shares things from their day that they are thankful for. Or maybe just consciously thank your children for all they do throughout the day; I promise it will come back to you.

In the Mangrove class, we work very hard to speak words to our feelings of gratitude for each other and all that we do for each other to keep our community happy and healthy. We even sing our “thank you” to a tune. It is beautiful to watch the youngest children on campus be so thankful for the work that others do to contribute to their day. To hear the tune being sung warms our hearts and reminds us that we are all connected.

The Mangroves are growing up to be kind, mindful, and grateful members of the cosmic community. We can also look it like we are shaping future adults who may not be stricken with severe anxiety — so that’s a plus!

With gratitude,

Ms. Liz and Ms. Yudis

Dear Mangroves,

Montessori education can spark a variety of responses in people. Maybe when you told friends and family that you enrolled your child in a Montessori school, they praised the philosophy for its focus on independence and responsibility. Maybe you were met with a polite, “Oh that’s nice, but I heard Montessori doesn’t allow play,” or “They get to do whatever they want and I want my child to have structure and rules.”

To many, Montessori education is so foreign from the traditional education that they experienced as a child that people write it off as too bizarre, too curly, too this, or too that. Even the most well-intentioned parents can hear a Montessori catch phrase and run with it in the wrong direction, without the full understanding of what it means.

Montessori education has been in existence since 1907, when Dr. Maria Montessori used her knowledge as a medical professional paired with her scientific observations of children around the world to develop an educational philosophy that meets the developmental needs of all children. The philosophy is rich in guidelines, procedures, and materials, while simultaneously providing space and opportunities for the adults to “Follow the child.”

“Follow the child” could possibly be the most recognizable of her quotes, as well as one of the most open to misinterpretation.

So, how do I explain “Follow the child,” and what it means to me?

Let’s start with what it doesn’t mean:

• Follow the child off a cliff.
• Disregard common sense.
• Let the child rule the roost.
• Be a passive adult.
• Create a free-for-all environment.

Then what does it mean?

• Establish routines and structure with room for flexibility.
• Offer loving and firm support.
• Allow time for self-reflection.
• Foster opportunities for growth through struggle and mistakes.
• Provide freedom within limits.
• Permit opportunities for expression using limited choices.

But, Ms. Liz, what does that mean?

It boils down to data collection. We need to be detectives, collecting information to put the puzzle together and asking ourselves, “What does this child need from me right now?” Adults must follow the lead of the children in order to provide the next challenge, the next milestone, the next experience in the child’s development. We use the knowledge to give them the environment, materials, experience, and language to meet those needs that are driven from within each individual child. We assess the situation to include answers to:
• What is safe?
• What can I do to support what they need without doing it for them?
• What is the emotional component?

A child wants to run toward the road. We don’t follow the child into the road; we evaluate what the child is trying to show us in that moment. Perhaps they need:
• Movement
• Freedom

But they also need:
• Safety
• Boundaries

They want to run. So give them a place to run that not only allows movement and freedom but also offers safe boundaries.

It is difficult work to “Follow the child”; to continuously observe, reflect, and be curious. But it is also incredibly rewarding to watch children grow based on what they show you. In my younger years, as a new Montessorian, I often held tight to the rules and guidelines provided in training. If a material is not meant for the classroom, it doesn’t enter the classroom. If I picked a space for a material in the room, I certainly didn’t move it to another space in the room to maintain a sense of order. As I become more of an experienced Montessorian, I provide flexibility when the children show me that they need it.

As many of you may have noticed, the room has changed … a lot! One day it looked one way and the next day everything was in a new spot. Moving all furniture and all materials three weeks into school within a toddler classroom would have been unthinkable to me—a totally disastrous move—until the children showed me otherwise. Training centers would advice against it. I would have advised against it, but the layout wasn’t working for the children. I was nervous, but I also believed it was what they needed.

It was. Everything fell into place. It made sense to the children. They needed the newness of a reset environment. That worked this year; maybe next year they will need something different. That is the challenge and beauty of “Follow the child.”

Always,

Ms. Liz and Ms. Yudis

Dear Mangrove Families,

Lessons I knew, but this year, I learned.

Conferences and toddler reports, the checkpoints to review progress, assess the current state of affairs, and set future goals are complete. These types of assessments give us the opportunity to establish a set of expectations with a vision for the future and then a chance to reflect on what took place during the journey. Nothing right or wrong. Just a time to reflect and reevaluate a new set of goals based on the information gathered.

Montessori teachers do this for themselves as well. When a person chooses to take on the task of guiding tiny humans, the responsibility requires a huge amount of dedication to setting goals and assessing and reflecting on one’s own SELF.

“The real preparation for education is the study of one’s self.” Maria Montessori

Each day, we have to plan and adjust. Upon receiving the new information from the day, the first step is to reflect. What did WE, the adults, do that day to influence what happened? Did WE help any given situation? Did WE interfere with any given situation? What do WE need to do tomorrow to better support the children, their needs, their development, their journey?

“I don’t need to teach anything to children: it is they who, placed in a favorable environment, teach me.” Maria Montessori

Each year, I also like to look back and see what the year, the environment, and the children have taught me, the teacher. This year what stands out the most is that lessons that ‘I knew’ became lessons that ‘I learned.’

I truly internalized setting an intention (a seed) and watching the children bloom in the space created.

For instance, after the toddler teachers had a deep conversation on the impact of our role in the children’s lives, how what we say, do, and model creates a lasting print, even when WE are forgotten, how we made them feel about themselves and others remains. We started pondering on how to establish a balance between independence and interconnectedness in the toddler community. How do we help them walk away with the initial building blocks of empathy and compassion for themselves and others?

Through those conversations, we shifted the language used, the focus of our attention, the experiences provided and we saw a shift in the relationships within the community. The toddlers reflected back our intentions. We took opportunities to highlight helping friends for the sake of helping and achieving personal successes after a struggle. By highlighting what we truly wanted them to walk away with, we created an environment of inclusion, support, opportunity, and compassion.

Observing a friend who overhears a need on the other side of the classroom and responding to that need without being asked.

Observing a friend who identifies the feelings of another and responding to those feelings by offering a hug.

Observing a friend who beams with pride and exclaims, “I did it” over an accomplishment the child earned after putting in the hard work.

In my years as a teacher, I have never witnessed the level of compassion for one another in a toddler classroom. Personally, this year, I needed to know that what we do matters. That if we stay true to our Montessori fundamentals if we provide a safe space with a genuine love for who the children are and who they will become, the world and the people in it will be better and do better.

“Children are both a hope and a promise for mankind.” Maria Montessori

I knew it. This year, I LEARNED it.

Thank you for gifting me the time with your children and the opportunity to learn.

Always,
Ms. Liz and Ms. Sonia

Dear Mangrove families,

As the end of the year approaches, we begin to remember what the classroom environment looked like at the beginning of year to reflect on just how much each child has grown in the process. How did we get to this place of such intense growth? A combination of consistency, routine, structure, empathy and struggle.

Not struggle, in the sense of, feel bad for the teachers because it was a struggle. Struggle as in, humans learn in the struggle, the difficult moments, the times where we move from the comfortable to the unknown, we have to grow.

As the Primary program invites parents to attend the Follow The Child Event next week, I am reminded of some insight I gained as a parent around this idea of struggle while attending the event with my then kindergarten-aged son. Follow the Child is a special opportunity designed for the Primary students at our school to present lessons to their parents in their classrooms on a weekend morning.

I started off FAILING Follow the Child.

Yes, a trained Montessori guide, a staff member, an attendee of this event for 3 years, a ‘humble’ Montessori Mom.

I began by whipping out my camera to document my son as he made ‘big numbers.’ I was so impressed and I had never gotten to see him do such intense lessons, so of course I took out my camera – I needed to have video of this.

My son’s guide, quietly and kindly came up next to me and sweetly whispered in my ear with a smile, “I have asked parents not to take photographs. You are here to watch him. Watch,” I That is when I realized that I was missing the experience. I was missing the moments and focusing on the wrong thing.

When I put down the camera, I was able to see all the purposeful movements he made as he completed the work. That he tapped the wooden numbers together on the ground in order to straighten the pile before placing the stack into the wooden box. That he wiped the small drip of glue off the table with a sponge before continuing to glue tiny pieces of paper together. That he readjusted a puzzle piece, realized that although it appeared to fit, it wasn’t the correct piece. That he slowly rolled his working as tight as he could possibly roll it in order to keep its shape. I was able to see ALL the work that goes into each lesson when I simply watched. I was also able to see my own impulse to put my hands on his work when I was asked to simply “Watch.”

When I’m in the Mangrove environment supporting the toddlers, I can observe without interupting all day long. Yet, sitting in front of my own child, my hands wanted to move, my mouth wanted to open, and when he struggled I wanted so badly to reach out and fix it for him. But I remembered my child’s guide saying, “Watch.” So I watched.

He struggled and I watched.

He never asked me to help.

He struggled and I watched.

I watched and he struggled through it.

He was not angry. Not frustrated. He was satisfied in the struggle.

And he did it. Without any guidance from me. He did it.

He completed the work from start to finish, even when it was hard, he continued and he did it. It was hard for me, I struggled with his struggle, but I was able to observe as the struggle turned into a success, I watched as the experience taught him how to problem solve and push through a difficult time resulting in a success that he earned all on his own. A success that produced such a sense of pride in himself, something I could not give him, that he couldn’t help but grin from ear to ear.

We work hard to provide safe opportunities in the school environment for our students to struggle because we know that learning takes place in those moments of struggle. But when it comes to our children, watching them struggle can be hard for us. I want to remind you that it can also be the best feeling. Being present in the moment when your child goes from not knowing, to struggling, to succeeding is priceless. Your face will mirror their own as their smile grows from ear to ear.

Enjoy the photographs of the Mangroves, who worked through the struggle and earned their smiles.

Always,

Ms. Liz and Ms Sonia

Dear Mangrove Families,

Midway through our family’s hospital stay with our four-year-old who was connected to an IV, receiving antibiotics and Tylenol, giving blood for testing, and just generally being poked at, I realized that perhaps this month’s newsletter should focus on what we can do as parents to help our children navigate situations when they are hurt or sick.
What can make your heart drop to your stomach quicker than your child getting hurt? I am not sure there is much. Your heart races, your adrenaline is pumping, your breathing gets heavy and fast. Your thoughts go to the worst and then you have to try to wrangle them back in cause you can’t stay in the scary headspace too long. It is hard. Our job is to protect them and sometimes when that falls apart and they get sick or injured, we freak out. Our heart races because they are our hearts.
Try to now step out of your body and put yourself in the body of a tiny human in a big world. You are working hard to figure out that world around you. There is so much to take in…. the sights, sounds, smells, tastes, and experiences. As they take in each piece of information, their brains begin to sort and categorize in order to make sense of the constant flow of information. They look to the people who love them the most to model, teach, and support them as they meet each new milestone. They depend on routine and schedules, boundaries and expectations in order to find a sense of safety and security as the world reveals itself to them. Remember, you are in their tiny bodies, learning all this great stuff, loving life…… and just as accidents, injuries and sickness often does…. it comes out of nowhere; In one minute, everything you knew got flipped upside down. This wasn’t on the schedule, this wasn’t how that day was planned, your body hurts, you don’t know what is going on and ….. my parents are freaking out. Well if you are freaking out and I am supposed to look to you to figure out how to respond to this new situation and you are screaming and crying, pacing and frantic, scared and overwhelmed – then I am gonna join you in this survival game of fear.

“But Liz”, you say, “It is my baby, will always be my baby, how am I NOT supposed to freak out when my baby is hurt or sick?”
I get it. But I also get that you would do ANYTHING for them, right? Body in front of a train kind of anything. This is the train! Put your body in front of it!

You need to make the conscious effort to be the still deep calm strong water under the bridge that your child needs you to be. Cause the minute the waves start, they fear the raging storm ( even if In reality the storm is only a sprinkle), they begin the alert which can only be calmed by you.

Please don’t think that I am saying your feelings aren’t valid. They are. They are SO valid, in fact, that whatever you feel your child will feel them on an even more exaggerated level because all of this in new to them, you have had a lifetime to learn all you know. Not them. This is their first rodeo. New is unknown. The unknown can be scary.

What do parents need to remember when :
Your child falls off the slide
Your child scrapes their knee
Your child needs a shot
Your child breaks an arm
Your child is admitted to the hospital
Your child needs surgery…

Cause the answer is the same for all these different types of situations, small or large.

Breathe to remain calm.
Deep breaths in through your nose and out through your nose. When you breath in your nose and out your mouth, your body moves to fight or flight survival mode. And although the adrenaline pumping heightens your senses, you need to be the duck on the lake. Even if everything inside of you is paddling feverishly, everyone’s outside perception of you, especially your child’s, needs to be that of a duck gliding on the surface of the water. When you breath in through your nose and out through your nose, the oxygen has a calming effect and helps to create relaxation. Your children need to see that the people they rely on who love and protect them are calm so that it can help bring the back to calm.

Be the voice that validates, honors, and informs the experience.
As the adults in their lives, we are constantly sportscasting what is going on in order for them to be informed and make sense of the things that are happening around them. It is no different in times of stress and uncertainty. State what happened. Validate the feelings they are expressing. Explain what is around them, what happened, and what will happen in a developmentally appropriate way. Our children deserve honest information delivered to them in a respectful way that also validates their experience.

Show them your unconditional love.
A hug is a powerful tool that can really meet some deep needs of comfort and security. You are your child’s person. The person they can scream at, vomit on, cry with, hold and you love them through all of it. They know it and they need it. So ask your child when it gets hard and ugly and your child looks like they may be loosing all control, “Do you need a hug?” The pressure of your arms around them allows them to sink back into safety. Isn’t is amazing that we represent those huge feelings for them- love and safety, and in times of need and unpredictability, they need to feel those things more frequently.

Although this may feel like the cliffnotes version of ‘How to Help your Child in a Scary Situation’, if you keep those tools in mind, it will make a world of difference to your child. I am not an expert, but my family has no been around the block with EVERY scenario mentioned above and I thank all my stars that I had this Montessori knowledge in my pocket for all of it. We can’t take the pain away from them, but damn it, I am gonna do my best to make this experience less scary, less stressful, and less overwhelming for my tiny humans.

If you ever need more resources, have questions, need to talk, I am available. We are all part of this Mangrove family and the toddler team is your back up support, ready to help, if we can.

Wishing you health and always sending love,
Ms Liz and Ms Sonia

Dear Mangrove Families,

Our journeys can be so cyclical, coming back to lessons that the we haven’t completely learned all the way or that become reexamined when someone comes into our life to give us new perspective. While having a great conversation with my fellow toddler team members, we started questioning this balance between the goal of ‘independence’ and the goal of ’empathy.’ We work so hard to create opportunities for our friends to be independent, to take care of themselves and the classroom. but if you swing too far in that direction, are you forgetting how to foster compassion and empathy for others and our interconnectedness. How delicate that line because both skills are essential in the creation of a strong, resilient, loving, and understanding human being. I’m reminded of one of my favorite newsletters that I wrote a few years back that helped to examine that balance, so I want to share it with you now…

The Ms. Liz Archives 2016

Recently, my five-year-old asked me, “Could you get me a cup of milk?” My first response was to answer him back, “You can do it. That is your work.” I mean- I have prepared the environment for him to be independent and successful without me. He has access to glass cups perfect for his small hands, there are pitchers in the refrigerator filled with various beverage options, and he knows how to pour. And if he spills, he has cloths and wipes readily available and accessible and a basket to put the dirty laundry away. I worked hard so that I wouldn’t have to help. So why, at that moment, did I actually say, “Yes I can my love?”

I thought to myself, I ask him all the time,

“Can you throw this away for me?”

“Could you put your sister’s clothes away for me?”

“Can you get the mail for us?”

I find myself asking for help from my child all the time. And sometimes he easily complies and other times he says no, which he totally has the right to do because I asked. And sometimes I get frustrated when he says no. I want him to be helpful and compassionate. I want him to have empathy and be caring. We all want our children to support each other and the community as a whole. That is what Grace and Courtesy is all about. So even when your child is fully capable of completing a task on their own, I invite you to help them.

In the classroom, when a child has finished a lesson but left it out at a table or on the carpet, we don’t always chase after them. Of course we want our toddlers to complete a full cycle of work which includes putting the work back where it belongs. But we also want to model Grace and Courtesy, so we will pick it up and we might say quietly, “A friend forgot to put this lesson away. I will help put it away.” Or if we see water on the floor we might say, “I see water on the floor. I will get a cloth and soak it up to help keep my friends safe.” We might also ask a friend, “Would you like to help me put this away so another friend can use it?” We are using these opportunities to model how to help others without expecting anything in return.

The more we model Grace and Courtesy, the more opportunities our children have to learn these bigger lessons about compassion, empathy, and selflessness. At this time of the year, we begin to see our toddlers helping their friends more and more without being asked. They see water on the floor and clean it up. They assist friends in putting on shoes or packing up another friend’s nap items. Lately we have even witnessed friends rubbing each other’s backs during circle as a gesture of kindness and support to help them settle.

So of course, encourage independence. They need it and want it. But also help and support just because. As adults, sometimes we just need someone to help us with something and wouldn’t it be great if that someone ended up being our own child- just because.

Always,

Ms Liz and Ms. Sonia